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myLot reputation of 94/100. syndibee (360)   ranked 415 out of 6,148 in had children2 years ago

i babysit a little boy whose birthday was today. now i'm not his normal babysitter, his uncle is but i was needed just for this week. i used to watch him regularly but haven't for several months now.
his birthday was yesterday and i just didn't have any money to get him a gift, i get paid on friday.
he actually came up to me today asking for his gift. don't parents teach that this is just inappropriate and rude to do? how are children supposed to know this if their parents don't teach them, why is it always up to someone else to teach anothers children manners. should i bring this up to the mother, and if so how. i don't want her to get embarrassed and in effect scold the child because i know he just didn't know he was being rude asking for a gift. any help appreciated.

 
 
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mightycrumbgirl (289) response was accepted on 6/21/2007.
denotes best response.
tags:  gift giving, childs birthday, rude birthday boy
 
1. myLot reputation of 90/100. mightycrumbgirl (289)   ranked 2,580 out of 6,148 in had children   2 years ago

That is terrible! Everyone loves to recieve a gift on their birthday, but you are right, it is just rude to outright ask for one, and parents should teach children that such a materialistic view on life is wrong, in the interest of their child! I do understand your concern for bringing this subject up with his parents, as it could be a touchy subject. I'd suggest the only way to do so would be to bring it up in a light hearted fashion, perhaps in mentioning how outspoken he is - so it is not an outright criticism. Some discussion may form from that where you can bring it up more seriously, but if the parent doesn't respond then I'd say it's probably best to leave it. Parents can be very overprotective and hypersensitive when it comes to their kids, and any criticism you have for the way they are raising their children will probably damage your friendship. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to try to teach the child a little yourself - if you ever get the opportunity to babysit for him again, just talk lightly about manners and so on - any idea put in his head about matters like this is better than none at all! Good luck!


myLot reputation of 94/100. syndibee (360)   ranked 415 out of 6,148 in had children  2 years ago

you are right i can give him a little of the education in a light hearted manner at this time and hope he picks up some of it. i think i'll leave it as far as his mom is concerned because i think she will get angry with him instead of realizing that it's something she should be teaching him with his upbringing.

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2. myLot reputation of 99/100. sunshine4 (5418)   ranked 3 out of 6,148 in had children   2 years ago

I wouldn't say anything to the mother, but I also wouldn't buy him a gift when you get paid. I think that kids who are taught such greediness are very rude and yes...it is the parents fault. Since you aren't the regular babysitter anymore, I wouldn't give it another thought. If he asks again for his gift, give him a sucker or some treat that you have around.

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3. myLot reputation of 99/100. crazynurse (5718)   ranked 11 out of 6,148 in had children   2 years ago

Its a shame the mother wasn't present when it happened because that is the time to get your point accross. To go back now and bring it up to her makes it seem like something bigger than it is. I don't think that I would say anything to her at this point. If you are talking with her at some point hte rest of the week and the conversation gets onto his birthday, you could giggle a bit and say, "Yes, X ran up to me the other morning and asked where his gift was. I felt awkward as I didn't have one." But if it doesn't just happen naturally, I'd leave it alone.

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4. myLot reputation of 97/100. pumpkinjam (2640)   ranked 534 out of 6,148 in had children   2 years ago

How old is the child? My kids are 7 and 2 and neither of them would ever ask for a gift. They know they appreciate what they are given. My youngest was only 2 this week and he didn't even seem to care that he was getting presents, he was more interested in his friends who came to play! If my kids ever asked someone else for a gift like that, I would want to know and I would tell my kids that it was rude. My partner expects gifts for special occassions and I really resent that because people get gifts because they want to, not because you expect it. I have no idea why my partner is like that, he obviously wasn't taught as a child so the child you are looking after needs to be taught. It could be something his mum just hasn't thought about but then asking like that is only something a child would do if they have been taught that it is ok.
You are right of course, the child won't know it's rude if he has never been taught. Tell his mum that he asked but say it in a nice way, I mean, rather than saying you thought it was rude, just say you didn't know you would be expected to get him something and you had no money. That way, you are telling his mum without being horrible.
It shouldn't be up to someone else to teach other peoples children manners. I know I would be disgusted and extremely disappointed if my children didn't show manners. There is no reason not to but then, I am a full time mum who has put in the time and effort to educate my children in such matters, there are a lot of parents who do think it's up to someone else.


myLot reputation of 94/100. syndibee (360)   ranked 415 out of 6,148 in had children  2 years ago

he just turned 7.
i'm with you completely on this matter.

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5. manjingyun (22)   2 years ago

I agree with you,but some thing listen to the children's Discourse.

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