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 What do you do with a boyfriend of 5 years that says lets get married, will you marry me..over and over but NEVER does anything about it?
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1.  dopey22girl (3169) | 10 months ago |  Talk to him. Let him know how you're feeling. That's really all you can do. If things don't change, threaten to leave him and then see if he does something.
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| jdeforge (143) | 10 months ago | If you give an ultimatum, you need to be ready to back it up. I'm not.
I can't say hey if you don't marry me, I'm leaving. And him say sorry not ready..and me leave.
Sucks lol..thanks for the response though | |
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2.  lilybug (9961) | 10 months ago |  I would make it clear to him that he needs to quit talking about it until he has a ring and is really ready to do it. When bring it up if you are not going to ask properly and produce a ring?
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| jdeforge (143) | 10 months ago | Okay..very fair. But I'm also waiting for it to not be in the form of text message or while in a bar somewhere.
:)
I've told him I love hearing him ask me, but it hurts when theres no follow through. I asked him to stop it until he's serious, and he's done it a million times since then! | |
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 barrudaki (1010) | 10 months ago |  I think showing you are serious will get him to either become serious or stop the games.
If he thinks it is funny to ask via text message or when he has been drinking then maybe the next time he asks in that way say "No".
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| 4. Galena (3149) | 10 months ago |  get planning.
you're engaged. start researching venues, costs, registrars etc etc. run some ideas of yours by him, get him to come to a venue with you and book a date.
the fact is, most men aren't that interested in the actual planning part. they see it as our job.
a lot of men are happy to just turn up where and when you tell them. they're not often interested in colours or clothes, or who sits near who. maybe get him onto planning the music, that tends to be something that gets their interest.
he's asked you, he wants it to happen. the ball is as much in your court as in his.
seriously, I have a notebook crammed with notes and ideas, and things I need to arrange, his notebook says "buy suit. write speech" and that's it. hehe.
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| jdeforge (143) | 10 months ago | lol wow..thats bold!
Well we've both agreed we want to elope. I don't want a wedding either.
Guess I should just book a trip? lol | |
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| 6. searcher625 (299) | 10 months ago |  I am not quite in the same boat as you as I just proposed via IM to my gf and she accepted. I have no idea of costs etc. so i am leaving it in her capable hands and just need to know how much will I need to write the cheque out for. i personally don't care where it is or who sits where, as long as I know what coulour of suit i need and what i need to do will be fine with me.
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| zevabe (6) | 10 months ago | While ultimately the details matter a lot less than anything but choice of spouse, don't you want it to be special for you?
I keep saying things in my head and rejecting them. Yes, it will still be special b/c you are marrying the woman of your dreams (I hope). But putting her in the driver's seat entirely, doing only what she tells you, letting her make all the decisions seemsd in my mind to set a bad precedent. It sets you up as a doormat for one, and uninvolved (likely to be interpretted as uninterested) for two. Even if nothing about your wedding day matters to you, something in your married life eventually will. If you set yourself up as a partner in the decision-making process, it creates a better dynamic for married life, don't you think? | |
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| jdeforge (143) | 10 months ago | But if you did it via IM, and you don't mention it (leaving it up to her) how is she supposed to know it was real? Was there a ring involved?
I get one via text every other day, but since I haven't gotten it in person with a ring, I'd never make plans. | |
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7.  SixPaulEleven (478) | 10 months ago |  Sounds like he's not serious about marrying you or he would have by now.
You've got two options:
Live life like you are and if you get married, then you get married. If not and if you're okay with this, then stay like this.
Or just leave. It's obvious that he doesn't mean what he says about wanting to marry you.
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| jdeforge (143) | 10 months ago | But why say it then? I'm not some girl who pressures and asks about it. I never bring it up, so why should he either?
I'll get 'we really seriously need to get married' 'lets stop waiting around and get married' 'will you marry me' 'we're engaged now, i can't wait for you to be my wife'
the list goes on and on. | |
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