How would you react?  |
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 Ok, here I go. Imagine this scenario.
You've started a new discussion and you are getting many responses...a few agreeing with what you say and a few disagreeing. But all of it in nice tones and that's all fine. You go clicking on the '+' for all of them irrespective of whether they agree with you or not.
Then comes this response from a myLotter attacking another person who responded...and all this because their views differed.
What would you do? Would you try to put the attacker in their place or leave for the two to sort it out themselves?
It happened in one my discussions recently and I felt I had to step in because it was a discussion I started and no one has to be rude to someone who responded to my discussion with their viewpoint. I felt I needed to point out to the attacker that even if their views were different from each others, the person who responded had done so in a nice way and the attacker should refrain from doing it again. I expected an apology which didn't come.
So, what would you do?
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1.  CatsandDogs (2955) | 7 months ago |  I'd let it go. There's no need to keep the arguement going by asking for an apology. Some people are big enough to apologize and some are not. We have to accept people for their choice in doing or not doing so because there's no changing them. If there's a change to be made, they have to do it themselves FOR themselves or they won't be happy. Sad but true. However, in my opinion, it takes a bigger person to apologize than not to but we can't make a person do it. Besides, I wouldn't want an apology if it's not from the heart.
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 AICIRT81 (552) | 7 months ago |  Good point and well said! I agree. If an appology in not heart felt, then its next to worthless. I just would engage in discussions with people who are not civil and can not respect others opinions.
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| AICIRT81 (552) | 7 months ago | would not engage.... I can not type for anything tonight. Sorry. | |
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 riyasam (5078) | 7 months ago |  yea,even i think the best thing would be to ignore
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | Oh, I didn't ask for an apology. But I did point out that the attacker should not do what they did because the other was just pointing out their viewpoint and did it in a nice way....it was different than that of our culture. As the person who started the discussion, I should not let the attacker with being rude to someone who posted their response. | |
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| 2. raijin (6735) | 7 months ago |  That's one thing I wouldn't allow on my own post, people fighting over something that is way off what the discussion was supposed to be.
I guess we have our own ways to deal with such, as me being a responsible mylottian wouldn't allow these to happen, not own my watch and not on my thread. I would give that attacker a fair chance to apologize since fighting or arguing on something that can be talked about easily is not fair, people should learn to give and forgive..
But if in case that attacker didn't even made a time to concede or apologize, then the best thing to do is explain to the other member that you're sorry for that to happen.
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | Well, THEY didn't argue or fight...just another person was very rude and said mean things to a person who responded to my discussion. I agree that the person who responded had viewpoints different than that of our culture but she had pointed them out nicely...but the attacker chose to attack her on her viewpoint in the matter. I thought that was rather rude and no one has a right to do that....I would have generally ignored it...but since this was a discussion I started, I thought I had to tell the attacker that it wasn't right to be rude to the other person just because of their opinion. | |
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| 3. cupid74 (3202) | 7 months ago |  Dear SV
nice discussion and u put the scene in nice way
i think the best way is to interveine and make it clear that if "anyone" as Differnce of Opinion then it should be discussed nicely and logically in a decent manner, and if still it wont work then u should be straight and tell him/her to leave the discussion and start its own to get feed back
sure there are always differnce of opinion but it should be solved in a way to convince other not to hurt.
Take care
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | Exactly what I felt and exactly what I did...though I didn't have to ask him to leave the discussion.
Everyone is free to voice their opinion...but do it in a nice way and do not attack another for their opinion (especially if they have done so in a nice way) | |
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| cupid74 (3202) | 7 months ago | Hi Sv
see friends think alike
well ask him/her to leave the discussion is 2nd phase when he/she despite of request persist to continue fight, so instead of lingering the argument, just request to please leave us alone
Smiles can makes wonders, and the results can be really good
take care | |
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| 4. aseretdd (3474) | 7 months ago |  Well, i was actually attacked twice because of my opinion by the same person... and those who started the discussion did not do anything to sort things out... well maybe because they don't really care... but it would have been nice if they mediated... so i definitely agree with what you did...
I think that starting a discussion is not the end of it all... the one who created it should always be present to mediated in case there is are heated responses and comments...
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | I know what you mean...even I was attacked once and the initiator of the discussion chose not to get involved. This was one of the reasons why I started this discussion. And when it happened to my discussion, I felt the need to step in. It was like someone was being rude to my guest at my home! That's how I felt! | |
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| 5. jerritts1mom (285) | 7 months ago |  Well isn't it against some myLot rule to "attack" someone's response? If it isn't it should be.You did the right thing, if it happened again,I would just ask them to refrain from commenting again if they can't respect the rest of the members on that thread.
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | I think it is against the rules. But if reported to myLot, my whole discussion will be deleted instead of the person being given a warning..lol
I actually asked them not to be rude but they were free to voice their opinion without attacking. Though I was very angry, I managed to post a decent comment. | |
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| 6. drannhh (4574) | 7 months ago |  I would do the same as you except that at the end I would not expect an apology. If I got one I would be surprised. My experience in life is that the kind of people who go around attacking others don't do it because they are nice people, and I can only think of 3 reasons why anyone would apologize:
1) They are nice people,
2, They are afraid not to,
3) They live by some creed or moral principal that if they do something wrong they are "supposed to" apologize.
If they were nice people, I assume they would not have gone on the attack in the first place, if they are afraid of me, the apology is not sincere, and if they are false to their own principles why should they be true to mine? My friends are more important to me than my myLot ratings, so I have stuck up for people here from time to time and gotten dinged for it, too. Oh, well. You deserved better!
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | I didn't ask for one....but I thought they would give one.
But you are right, if they were nice enough to give an apology, they wouldn't attack another person for giving their viewpoint.
And since it was my discussion, I felt I had to tell them how I felt about being rude to someone for voicing their opinion.
Imagine if a guest of mine was insulted in my own home! That's how I felt! | |
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| 7. Goodie123 (6885) | 7 months ago |  The way post are being deleted left right and center at the moment, I would have the offenders comment deleted.
Why should they ruin your post.
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | How can I delete the comments of another person? My whole discussion would then get deleted.
If there is a way to delete just the comments, I'd like to do that. | |
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| Goodie123 (6885) | 7 months ago | I will send you a PM. | |
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | Thank you! | |
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| 8. izathewzia (2444) | 7 months ago |  If i found quarreling or debating responders on my topic because of their different views, I just don't mind them. But I surely respond to them once and gave a + rate. My goal is not to form a debating team or make the members be divided. But to gain intellectual responses that will be of great help to a lot here who wants to gain insights.
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| 9. sarahruthbeth22 (7123) | 7 months ago |  When I see a response that isn't on topic and it is rude but wasn't addressed to me, I just give it a -. It is up to the person to respond or better still to report the person.I have friends who's star ratings are decreasing because some idiot is getting their discussions deleted and they are putting - on everything they have written and it all started because they thought the person was rude .
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | I didn't give a - (though I wanted to). I thought I'd give them a chance. But I did point out that they didn't have to be rude to give an opinion different from that of the one who responded. | |
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| 10. apsara60 (1840) | 7 months ago |  Dear SV...Nice discussion and I can understand exactly how you are feeling. It is like some stranger getting into your house and starting to rule, while you stand aside helplessly. It is sad that some people cannot live in peace and they don't let others live in peace. What you did was was right SV.......but from some of my personal experiences, I would rather not interfere into other people's matter because if person can use hard words or insulting manner for one person then he can use it for another person too....and I am very much afraid of pain that we get from hurting words.....I don't forget soon.......such situation effects my daily routine and peaceful sleep in the night........so I would just ignore and carry on........as it is we have so many problems in life.....we come on mylot for some relaxation, so why to start another problem here too........this is my opinion now....but when I was your age I too had lot of JOSH......LOL
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | lol...EXACTLY how I felt...about someone coming into my house and attacking a guest of mine. I think I wouldn't get peace if I hadn't atleast pointed it out. I wasn't rude and all I said is that the attacker is free to voice their opinion and please do it in a nice way without attacking another person for having a different opinion.
I don't want to start a fight either.
haha...so now it's come to the point of attacking my age hunh??lol
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| cupid74 (3202) | 7 months ago | Hi gals
i believe that u should raise ur voice for ur right
dont allow strangers to take over u
this is not fair
by this u r encouraging other to misuse ur kindness
think about it
its not to do with ages. i am sure its more distrubing if some one stranger interveine in u
take care | |
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| cupid74 (3202) | 7 months ago | i hope u both are not thinking that i am internening toooo | |
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| apsara60 (1840) | 7 months ago | hey cupid tum aag me ghee maat dalo........we are peace loving people . Angry brings more anger, hate brings more hate and remember love brings more love.........so think about it now.........:)) | |
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | Most of us here are peace loving...I just don't understand why a person has to take a different opinion as the wrong one and be really rude! | |
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| apsara60 (1840) | 7 months ago | dear sv.......there is no answer to your this WHY?????
world is full of all kinds of people.....some just remain a big (WHY) for us.....so just ignore them.........have a nice day.
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| cupid74 (3202) | 7 months ago | Hi apsar
i am not putting ghee in fire
sure love begets love
but u cant mix cowardness with Love( i am sorry)
and i think i just stated my opinion politly (wink)
i beleive where necessary u need to take stand for right things | |
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| SViswan (3446) | 7 months ago | I've ignored it after my last comment. Fortunately no one chose to fight back..lol | |
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| cupid74 (3202) | 7 months ago | thats good
all well that ends well
take care | |
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| apsara60 (1840) | 7 months ago | Cupidjee.......for your information people thought Gandhiji was coward......the rest you know....this is the difference between growing and maturing........:)) | |
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