 Once upon a time....I called the office of the feeBay Mall to see about opening a store there. Here's the transcript of my side of the conversation
"Good Morning, I'd like to open a store at your Mall"
"Yes, I understand you are just a venue, that'll be great"
"You want my credit card number first so that I can register...well OK, here it is XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX. OK, so I'm all set?"
"You want an up front fee for everything I bring into the store?"
"Ok, and then you want a cut of everything I sell, I thought you were a venue"
"Oh, you are just a venue, but then you want me to use your bank that's not a bank to process my customers' payments?"
"What? Sometimes I'll have to let the customer leave the store with the merchandise and afterwards you'll notify me that your bank that's not a bank is holding my funds for 21 days or until the customer calls in to say they like it. Is there anything else I should know?"
"As customers leave my store YOU will poll them to see what their reactions were - something called DSRs - and then you'll charge me more to sell my merchandise if they rate me me as merely good - 4 out of 5 DSR stars, anything else?"
"Oh, and you get to hang a RED BANNER warning my customers that I have problems outside my store if my DSR scores are only 4 out of 5, in other words merely what you call good? My goodness, is there anything else?"
"AND you'll place other merchant's merchandise in front of my store so that my customers see it first, and then my RED BANNER?"
"What else could your venue possibly do for me?"
"Oh, from time to time you'll let a deadbeat shoplifter come back in to slap me around in front of my other customers, and all I can do is say how much I liked it"
"I see. Let me get this straight, you are just a venue but YOU collect a fee everytime I offer something for sale, YOU collect a fee everytime I sell something, YOU REQUIRE that I process payments through your bank-thats-not-a-bank, YOU ask my customers how I did on your scale that they don't understand, YOU get to hang a RED BANNER in front of my store if my DSRs are merely GOOD, YOU get to place other merchant's wares in front of my store, and YOU will bring in shoplifters and deadbeats to slap me around with no recourse. Do I have this right so far?"
"OK, can you tell me what's in it for me?"
"Hello"
"Hello"
"Helloooooo"
"Anybody there?"
"What?, I can barely hear you, what? I have to supply my own Vaseline and smile too?"
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