Would you do this for him: Staying with his family

By risky do you mean that they would start becoming demanding on us and asking us for money always? Or do you mean in terms of damaging our credit if we were not able to pay it all back on time?

I am a bit confused by your meaning, and must reiterate also that I did say if we did do so we would not expect the money back. We have not yet talked to his parents.

Although I am sure you will say that you've heard this before, I do love my fiance and I am prepared to do this for him as well as my future inlaws. This is also a growth period for the both of us, and yes it will prepare us for our own children. We will still respect their rules and go so far as to not try to conceive until we are financially set to buy our own place. We are thinking for ourselves as well as for his parents.

Are those also in their rules, for you not to conceive? I'm just wondering because the two were linked, but I also understand. It may be a great learning experience for you and your fiance...:)

No, that is our own morals for respect.

First off baby I am really happy to do this. It will help us budget and finance better and also help them with their bills and other things so that they can be less stressed on all that they've been stressed about. We will talk to her and get everything straightened out and she'll be able to help us with it. I told you, I don't care if we let her see the payment stub, and I don't care if we do give her a blank check. I suppose we should tell her that your name is already under our account, and I don't believe she'll get too upset. You still have your own account, and she knows this.

I think she'll be glad that we didn't touch that money and that we put the money back into your account. She'll also be happy to help us I am sure, with everything as we are taking things into our own hands and showing that we can be responsible with everything. She'll also be able to help us understand what we can and can't do financially as a couple in terms of what it means to file jointly as well as how we'd go about getting the loan. She'll also be able to tell us what to expect, and be there for us when the finances go a-phewie.

I love you very much baby and am glad that you did emphasize more on the loan as it's better to hear all of this from your point of view as well. The loan will not be that big, and depending on whether we talk to them about staying we may be able to get the loan for a bit higher and pay for a few things to help with the house, or a bigger bed for us. I love you with all of my heart and soul, you are my everything.

I know your happy to do this,yeah I know we could show her the paycheck stubs and I know we could give her a blank check.I guess we should tell her about my name on our account,since I still have my other account so she shouldnt get upset.I think she will be very happy that we havent touched the money,and that we put it back as soon as we could.I think she will be proud that we are trying to be responsibilty,and she can help us learn what we can and cant do when it comes to finances and whether it would be better to file jointly or not,and yeah she could help us understand exactly how to get a loan,and she will be there to help if we start to fall.I love you too,and I figured it would help people understand if I give them my point of view on this subject.The loan wont be that big,but I guess we could always try to get a bigger loan so we could get a bigger bed for us.

I love you with all of my heart and soul baby, and you know this. I love you and I will never change my mind on this. I am doing this and want to do this for us, so that we can learn to budget. I am glad that your mother has agreed to help, and that she did not react in a bad way. I love you with all of my heart and soul....

I love you so much,and I believe you wont change your mind,I know its whats best for us,and that it will help us learn to budget and prepare ourselves,and I am also glad that my mom wants to help,and that she reacted in a understanding way,because with her help,it will be alot easier on us.

I'm probably going to get in trouble here, but if you don't have jobs, don't know how to budget, and have to 'learn responsibility', why are you getting married?

Do you know anything about finances at all? Why would you take out a loan to pay a mortgage? Interest on a loan would cost you probably three times what interest on a mortgage is.

Are your parents behind on their bills? If not, why do you feel the need to help them so they don't have to work? Most people work up until retirement age.

If you are staying with them, you absolutely should be paying them something, but to stay with them FOR that reason, I dunno.

I think it's time to be responsible, get jobs, learn how to budget, pay some bills of your own, THEN think about engagement and marriage.

I've been out on my own before. We both know how to budget for our own expenses, but we want to learn how to budget for their's as their expenses will be close to our own married expenses. We are looking for a job, but where we live it's easier said then done... That and the price of gas.

We already no how to be responsible,but it never hurts to learn more,and who better to learn from then my parents who have been around alot longer then we have, we are looking for jobs,and have been looking,but it is proving to be quite difficult because of the esculated gas prices,and the fact that we live in a small county, and also who better to help us make a budget we can follow,then my parents who have been budgeting for longer than I have been alive,when it comes to getting married,we want to get married,even though we know it wont be easy,and we have decided to wait until next year to get married,so that way we can start learning to budget,and prepare ourselves,getting a loan was only a suggestion,and we are more than aware that the interest will be very high,and even if we did get a loan it would be a small one,but we have decided to not get a loan,my parents arent behind on their bills even though honestly I think everyone is a little behind,since everything is rising in price,and with us helping them,they will still work,but we want to help them so that way they will be able to breath,and not always worry about falling behind on a bill,since there are always things that come up,like a car breaking down,or having to go to the doctor,which can be quite expensive too,even with health insurance,and I agree living here we do owe them something,and I feel that I should try to help them,since they have always helped me,and they have always given me money when I asked,and I feel I should try and pay them back some of it,since money they shell out too me could go towards the bills,and that is not the only reason we are staying here,we are also staying here because where they live is safe,and we dont have to worry about getting robbed,and we leave our cars unlocked at night,and not have to worry about someone stealing stuff out of them,or vandalizing them,we are planning on learning more responsibility,and once we get a job,we are going to get my mom to help us make a budget,something like they used when they first got married,so that way come next year we will be more financially ready,when we do have our wedding,and that way it gives us ample time to save for the wedding.

I have not really made it clear, but we already live with them. I do appreciate all of your reply, please allow me to clarify on a few other notes that seems that I have not made clear.

We have talked to his mother tonight and she has actually reiterated a few points that we had in the back of our minds, and some points that you had come across. Such as the loan, she tells that for a loan the only thing we should do for is a car or house. She thinks that we should not get a loan unless we need it, and said basically no to that.

We do not have credit built up. I did have credit but need to establish more then I have.

Our idea of the bi-monthly bill paying was only an idea, and one that me and my fiance both felt would help us in understanding finances and what we could expect. We now understand, as she has talked to us about it, that we will only pay for things that we need as well as maybe a water bill or etc to help them each month.

You are right though, that we should keep it at an even rate. We will write down everything that will be done, and keep a record of it for our own sakes, for budgeting. We asked about who would get the house and cars, as well as other things and she has told us that he solely would, even though he has a half brother.

We are responsible for the cleaning of our own bedroom as well as bathroom, and to clean up after ourselves when we eat.


Thank you again for your response, I hope I covered all that you'd ask.

Not really. We are doing it so that we will be able to think for ourselves.

In my opinion, you would be better off on your own. It is cool that they want to help out, but you both need credit, you both need to learn how to take care of yourselves. It is not your responsibility to care for them, you have to consider what you and your fiance want for your future. By staying in their home, you are hindering yourselves.

We are staying with them and will be helping with bills. They will sit down with us and help us by showing us their budget and helping us create our own budget. This is helping us as we prepare for what amount of money we need to have....

I agree that budgeting is important, but how will you learn to be your own couple? I have watched my brother go through this. They live with my SIL grandmother because they don't have to pay rent (they pay all the bills though). Even thought the grandmother is never around, their marriage is stagnant. If they want more kid, or more pets, or whatever, they have to clear it through her. A young couple need to be out on their own. If you are going to be married, you shouldn't be living with them. You need a place of your own. They should have been teaching you about budgeting and saving to move out from day one, not now.

We are not treated like children here. We are able to do as we wish, but we do have to do a few certain things. These things include being at home at a respectable hour and cleaning for ourselves. We do not disrespect them in anyway. It may seem to be bad, and I do agree that from your point of view it does seem that way, as your brother has seen for himself, but I must admit that that is not the way it is.

Thank you for your kind advice, and your expressed point of view. I do find that your words have value, and that they do make sense. We have already spoken with the mother however and we have already come to a few unspoken agreements in regards to everything.

Thank you for your opinion. I do agree that in some cases it is not good to stay with your inlaws, parents, or older people then you that are of any relation to you or your husband. Thank you for the well wishes.

I am glad that you enjoy living with your parents. Thank your for your response.

Yeah its nice

you are welcome and take care

bye

Thank you so much, but I think they've set the limit for us. They won't let us help them as much as we wanted too, but it's good to know that they do care enough to help us with budgeting.

Thank you for your response, I love the way you said they are who he is today. You are right about staying back and helping and the possibility of them being mean. I already live with them, and they treat me great. I know that might change once we do get married, but she knows we're engaged and she approves.

Thank you for being honest about not reading all of the responses. Thank you for your great advice, and I believe that sitting down and agreeing what would be fair to pay is exactly what we'll do, as we outlined last night in a discussion. We already have a "piggy bank". I am sure we will set a date for everything according to what we're paying is due, and if more then one thing we will set a date for it.

Thank you again for your response, as it is much appreciated.