Why can't I just get over it?????

I think it's natural to still feel hurt over her loss. She was a big part of your life and isn't with you anymore. You will always miss her and remember her.
But of course you must remember that life goes on and you need to continue to live yours. Make sure you don't spend too much time dwelling on your loss so that you forget to live your life, your grandmother wouldn't want that.

hey there
its really a big thing to get relieved from that kind of grief
losing a person who had complete influence in your life is much sensitive matter which cant be overcomed so quickly
well
one thing i would like to tell you is that your grandma always loved you very much and always had wanted you to be much happy
so one best thing which i can tell you is that try to feel her presence in your happiness and never thing that shes gone for you
to be a bit spiritual if you could
spirits long in the world for their loved ones to see their happiness

My grandmother died 25 years ago and raised me. Of COURSE I am not over it. I just don't beat my self up about it. She had an honored place in my life. I think of her at least once every day.
Everyone has their own way to grieve. If you just accept that this is the feeling, you have a right to it and allow the feeling to co-exist with the other portions of your life and what you need to do..it is fine. It shopuldn't interfere wiht you having your own destiny and life? But id you mesh them, it's fine.
Some people in the orient have shrines to loved elders that have passed on and talk to them every day and include them in their everyday major decisions in life.
Maybe it would help you to do this. I know it isn't done often in the west? But make a shrine, talk to her and remember the good. "Hear" in your mind how she would advise you and continue ot honor and live her.
She will always have a place in your life. Even the philosopher Decartes realized that, when a loved on dies, the more people try to get you to forget the person or get over it, the MORE they are there and you can't!
That woman was loved! And she still is and always will be honored by you. No psychologist can change that and it isn't odd..especially in other cultures. Nothing wrong with it, OK?She can still hold a place in your life. No one "booted" her out once she died. It's nice you had that much love!

My great grandmother raised me and was the just the same as you described your grandmother here. She died in July of 1997. I had just turned 19. That was over 10 years ago and I am still not over it. I get in a foul mood every year around the time of her death. I just want to be left alone and not bothered. I won't go to the cemetery to "visit" cause I have issues about crying in pubic and feel like an idiot for talking to a slab of granite.

I wish I could help you darlin, but I never "learned how to cope" with my grief either. Being a witch works for me and a few days afterwards I;m myself again until her birthday in November.

Sweet Skinny, I'm so sorry for your pain, but I understand it, all too well. I've suffered devastating losses, darlin, and I can tell you the way I see it and the way I do it, and it might not help much, but then again, it might. What I do is just keep grieving, Skinny, whenever I feel the grief, I acknowledge it, recognize it for what it is, and then usually I continue with what I was doing. It's like there's a pocket inside of me where I keep all of it - sometimes it spills out of that pocket and I have to go have a cry, and when that happens, that's exactly what I do - I go and cry, let it out. Skinny, the only way to get through this is to GO through it, there's nothing in this world that's gonna soothe you but time. Time is the only 'healer' and it doesn't even heal you, but it does smooth over the roughest edges of our grief, makes it easier to bear somehow. Posting this discussion is a very clever way to help get through this too, I think. Talking about it is very healthful. Talking to HER would help too. Did you go to her funeral? Did you get to say something at it? Did you want to say something at it? If there's anything that was left undone then, at the funeral or the surrounding days, do it now. Make arrangements to say what you have to say, to someone, to your SO, to your brother and sister, to your grandma in her heaven,but say what you have to say. There really is something to the concept of closure. I don't know, maybe you said everything you needed to.

It's a very long time to feel such raw pain, Skinny, 20 years, but I still feel that way too about a couple of people I've lost, and sometimes I feel like my grief is a wave that's gonna just knock me over, it's so strong, so powerful, and it's hard when that happens, and all you can do is feel what you're feeling, allow yourself your grief, and when the wave finishes washing over you like that, you go on, you just continue on with your day. There's no magic spell, no pill, no nothin. Just time and your being gentle with yourself, allowing yourself your grief, forgiving yourself your grief. Grief is intensely personal. No one can say what's too long or not long enough. Your grief is yours, nobody else's. Only you can define it. I think really that intense grief like that makes us better people somehow. To feel such pain must surely open our eyes to the pain of others. Not much consolation, I guess, but it could explain the empathy you feel for others. I've gone on forever here, Skinny, I'm sorry. I just feel so much for you and I know how much you hurt, believe me I do. You'll be ok. You'll get through. Talk to your grandma like she was there. She'll hear you. I wish I were there with you, to put my arms around you and comfort you. Can you feel my hug? It's there.

Hi SC.

My grandmother died a while back when I was about 24. She watched me get married and I was pregnant right before she died. She never got a chance to see her grandchildren on my side of the family.

It really upsets me when her birthday comes around and my son, even though he never met her, suggested we get a cake with "Happy Birthday Gramma" on it and add a few candles. So every year on her birthday, my son, my two girls and I get a cake from Wal-Mart with a happy birthday message on it to her and when we blow the candles out, my daughter pointed out that the smoke goes to Heaven so Gramma can still know that we love her and miss her every day.

first of all let me say that love has no boundaries so just because she left this world does not mean your love for her dies also. that is the hard part. you still love HER. not the memory of her but HER. the person who meant the world to you, that loved you and cherished her time with you. this leaves a huge hole in your life and your heart and at such a young and tender age of 15. there is nothing easy about it. the fact that you love her so fiercely is a tribute to the wonderful person she was and all that she meant to you and continues to mean to you. with that said, how can you get to where it doesn't hurt so much? good question and i do not have an answer or a clever response but i will say that i think you should write down all the happy times you shared and put that together with pictures of her and then each year on her birthday take out the special book you created about her and relive the love and tenderness you shared. she will be there with you and you know you will see her again someday. she is waiting for you and she wants you to live your life and be happy not in despair that she is gone but in joy that you had her in your life. look at the impression she made on you. what a lucky person you are to have had her.

Skinny I don't really know what to say. I have done bereavement counselling training and I don't care what anyone says. Nothing can ever replace the pain when someone that you love so much dies. Time may dull the pain externally, but you feel it in your heart always. You will get loads of good advice I have no doubt. So from me all that I will say is be yourself, cry if you wish. She must have been a lovely person to have formed you into the kind, caring and loving person that you are. I'll raise my glass to you and weep with you if that's OK. Love you. XX

Hi skinny, I want to tell you off the bat that i have no answer to your question, and n suggestions to make you feel better. i'm sure anything that i could possibly come upp with in this short amoount of time you would have already tried! I just want to let you know i read your discussion, and if there is anything i can do for you let me know.

Sugar, there are no magic words. There is not magic in healing. I think its a wonderful testament to your grandmother that you honor her like this, but she would not would not want you mired down in grief. Do something special for her birthday, with your own children. Have a birthday party, put her pictures around and let everyone share their favorite stories about her. Do not dwell on her death but rather, tell about her life. Invite the whole family, exchange little gifts to each other in her honor. Listen to her music. Make the foods she would have made for a gathering. Make it a real party.

Only time is a healer, and it will get easier for you. But do not expect it so fast.