Mother told she'd be arrested if she brought her autistic son to church again...

I know it is insane how they would treat a family in the congregation, i thought all accepting churches were suppossed to be just that.

Yes this doesn't seem fair to the child or family for that matter. Do they not realize that is discrimination.

I'm sorry foxy but this makes me sad
So not fair to the Mother who needs the Lord more than ever....Accommodations should be made somehow....I know what it is like all too well and it really isn't fair...We did not ask for our autistic child why should we be shunned!?!

~Heavens~

But she's not being shunned for having an autistic child, she's being shunned for having a dangerous child (even though I know he doesn't mean to be). I'm sure she does need the support of a church community but I think she is the one who needs to make accomodations not the church...I mean, would you want this child in the nursery with the infants and toddlers?

Well, then the Church should have acted in love and tried to help this Mother with this child.
Instead of banning her from the Church, they should have acted and helped in whatever way they could.

There is NO excuse for how this Church acted. It is wrong no matter how one looks at it.
God doesn't want anyone banned from His Church, and there should be more compassionate people who have feelings for this type child, and should have had someone there that could have coached this child in love.
They can be taught, they aren't stupid children, they are autistic.
I have a neighbor who teaches in school and her children are autistic, I will admit it is very challenging, but there are people out there who should be willing to help this Mother instead of banning them from a public place.
I am sorry foxyfire33 I am sorry but I have to disagree with you on this one, but of course you have your right to voice your opinion as well and for that I respect you. We just differ in opinions.
HUGS to you.

Churches are also supposed to be a safe environment. What about the other children? What about the one child that has already been hit? Don't they have rights too? I'm sorry he's autistic and I'm sorry he has behavior problems but it's not my job to make life easy for him. If I went to that church I would applaud them for taking out the restraining order and protecting my children. And you're right he can learn so maybe that mom had better start working on that.

Oh Foxy! I am in tears here...Please do not condemn that Mother for not teaching her child!!!!

My son has autism and has come a long way in the last two years but it costs a $1000 a month to get him the appropriate type of teacher who comes to our home to accomplish what we just cannot teach him...Many cannot afford this and we truly sacrifice to provide this for our son and still I find it hard to take mine to church but my church never once offered to have me arrested when he was tantruming badly two to three years ago....

I stopped going out of my own choice as I found it hard to deal with him there and they want me come back but it is hard for me so please...Do not condemn or blame the mother for not teaching.....Walk a mile in our shoes and you would know it is not easy...We have as much right in church as you do!

~Heavens~

Ok, I admit that didn't come out quite how I intended it....I'm sure she has been working with him but she still has a ways to go in regards to his behavior (hitting the other child). I'm quite sure any good church would welcome him back as long as they knew she'd gotten that part under conrol better. I'm just going to repeat again, my opinion has nothing to do with him being autistic, he is simply a big child that hit another child and the church needs to protect the others too. It's not a matter of who has more right to be there.

I understand the need to make sure the other children are safe but threatening to arrest the mother and placing a restraining order on her son was not the right way to handle this! This is the type of thing that drives people away from the house of God and that is sad!

She could attend if someone offered to go to her home and be with the boy while she went...People could take turns in the congregation or something....The Lord can heal...Perhaps they should pray over the boy instead of shunning him for his behavior that he can't control because that is the way his brain works!

~Heavens~

P.S I am not here to argue or make enemies...I simply need to stand up for my boy and all of our children that are shunned by the world because of how their brain works and in turn we are shunned so I have to stand up for this mother as well.....
I hope you understand where I am coming from also!

I work with Autistic children on a regular basis, helping parents to help teach their children what appropriate behavior is in public, what idioms mean, and how to interact with other children. Autism can be very mild or it can be very severe and include mental handicaps.
As I have worked with Autistic children and know the danger they can pose to themselves and others, I do not honestly think that I could go against what the church has done. Being that he is such a large child with such a difficult condition as Autism, I feel that the church has the right to ask the mother not to bring her son as it could be very disruptive.

We had a severely Autistic 6'4 350lb 15 year old in our church and when he acted out, he could cause a lot of damage. Our church did not ask him to leave the church, but they did ask that he be kept in a place where he could not harm other children, and where he was under constant supervision by someone trained to deal with such issues. If no one in that Catholic Congregation was capable of handling such a condition it is understandable why they would ask him to leave.

I am not saying that people should be shunned due to mental conditions, and it would be nice if members of the congregation still offered their fellowship to this woman who obviously is in need of a friend, however I don't think that them asking her not to bring her son into the church is that horrible of a thing.

heavenschild- I do understand, and I am not against autistic children. I just really think the church has the right to tell her he needs to stay home based on his prior "violent" behavior. And you're right, maybe someone should volunteer to stay home with him so she can attend but apparently that hasn't happened or she has refused the offer.

Ok, let me ask you a question...if your son was known to hit children in a specific setting, would you continue to bring him?

And thank you cherbear! I know I keep saying this but my position (and I believe the position of the church) has nothing to do with his autism but rather his behavior. If he didn't have autism and had hit another child I think they would have made the same decision.

I agree, I do not think it has to do with his Autism but rather the behavior and threat of violence he has posed on their congregation. Others keep stating that they believe if it were any other child then they would expect them not to behave in such a manner and would ask them to leave. Why is this any different? Because he has Autism? You have to realize that children act how you expect them to act, if a child has Autism and you expect them to act out, they will act out. It is very possible to teach an Autistic child that acting out in public is unacceptable behavior. Even one with other mental handicaps.

To answer your question Foxy, No I would not...As I said I already refrain from attending church but I too have a question......

If the boy does not go to church then the Mother does go as he can not be left home alone so, are you insinuating that the Mom go the rest of her life and never ever attend church because her son is a violent Autistic...Tell me, is that right?

What would Jesus do?
He'd have compassion and make a way for Mom to get to church...

~Heavens~

Where is the father at that the mother would have to care for her child all alone? Also, it is a threat to others if there is a violently autistic child, so why should he be allowed to endanger the lives of others so that one person may attend church? If she would really want to attend church, find one that has the correct facilities and mentality to handle the situation not this particular church.

Well in the midst of this rather serious discussion, I must say that I agree with both foxyfire and heavenschild. Foxyfire, you are absolutely correct when you say that just because an autistic child has the right to attend church, it does not mean that the safety of other children and adults too, need to be compromised (he is a rather heavy child with no control over his actions). Compassion does not necessarily mean endangering the lives of our own children.
However, Heavenschild is correct too that the church needs to have some separate areas or enclosures where similar children and their parents can come and try to assimilate with society at large. In a way it would help other children to understand them better, accept them and befriend them and grow up as more sympathetic adults. And its not the burden of the church alone…the community together can pitch in something so that alternate arrangements can be made without too much financial pressure on the Church.

Cherbear is asking where is the father....
Often Autism breaks up marriages due to stress and financial strain...
It is possible that she is a single mom, we don't know that, and if she is then she would be unable to attend without him!

~Heavens~

Just because parents divorce it doesn't mean one parent no longer has to be responsible for the child(ren).
Unless this child was the product of a donor, force, anonymous one night stand, or the mother is a widow, this child has a father somewhere. I'm sure this mother has at least one friend in the world that could also help her. I agree it must be hard and I do feel bad for her but her son is her responsibility not the church's. They may not have the means to provide an alternative and even if they do, maybe they shouldn't have to. If the mom wants to attend church with her son, she's the one that needs to make the special arrangements...whether its getting a sitter, another adult to attend with her as an aide for the son, or a different church that can accommodate his needs.

You all have very good points here and many different views too. I feel that yes he could be somewhat dangerous but the family is there with him to control him too. They sit in the same place every week so if someone doesn't want to sit there they don't have too. They also go to the same service every week so if someone had a problem they could attend another service for the day or church for that matter. I've seen other children at church act bad as well and i don't think he should be excluded from the congregation because he has autism. They need to learn how to handle him better maybe but not stop going. God accepts all and it shouldn't be any other way. If it were your child you would be hurt as well. Maybe have a volunteer help the mother while he is there to control him or something but not ban him completely.

"I've seen other children at church act bad as well and i don't think he should be excluded from the congregation because he has autism. They need to learn how to handle him better maybe but not stop going. God accepts all and it shouldn't be any other way. If it were your child you would be hurt as well. Maybe have a volunteer help the mother while he is there to control him or something but not ban him completely."

And if those other children were acting violent, I bet the church would step in also if it appeared that the parent wasn't do anything. I don't think he is being banned for being autistic, he's being banned for being violent. I know God accepts all and maybe this church has tried to work with him and the mother. If my child hit another child and behaved in that manner I would not keep trying to take him to church so I wouldn't have been hurt because I never would have let it get to the point of being banned by a restraining order.

All I have to add here is that it is hard to get a sitter for an autistic child...No one wants the job and you tend to lose a lot of "Friends" because of this...You end up being alone in may cases...

~Heavens~

I agree with foxyfire to a point... I also agree with a few others...

But it's not about the child being Autistic in this matter, its about the dangers the child brings to church...

What is the church to do if they can't control the child or if the parents cant?

I have an Autistic son and I see both sides...

I understand the church... they might of went to far by getting the cops involved, but something had to be done if this child was honestly that violent...

But I think Autistic or not, if someone is acting in this manner, it should be handled... maybe they went about it in the wrong way... but what other options is there?

And from what I hear about this church, they have tried more then once to work with the mother and child and even had a play area in another room with a youth teacher to look out after him, but that didn't work as well...

It's a sad story...

P.S. I used "child" because although the son is very large, he should be treated with the same compassion as a child.

If the Catholics can spend thousands on a priest's vestments and millions on beautiful churches, why can't they provide a safe place for this mother to participate in the service? Selfish, self-absorbed, greedy JERKS!!!

Good for you dragon 54u...
Enough said! Some one has to stand up for our children!

~Heavens~

I don't agee with discrimination either, this child needs a chance to learn about God as well as any other children. Church shouldn't be like that at all. They sound very critical and discriminating.

WHAT!!!!!!

My (autistic) boy is very loving and definitely comes God....
He even prays to Jesus...He has a right to go to church and so do all of them......Makes me so sad:(

~Heavens~

I have also heard of churches like that and I agree it is sad. I still don't think this situation is because he's autistic though, I think it's just because of his behavior.

I've actually stumbled upon a website from a church that claims people with mental retardation and other disorders are lower than dirt and from the devil himself. This is just one of the many problems with organized religion.



This is absurd to even speak things like this.....One should be very careful how they categorize the children of God.

These children are not of satan, they are special children God has given to special parents to care for them. They are the ones who do not have to worry about Salvation, because it already has been given to them.....My grandson is 12 and he has the mind of a 2-3 year old, his mind will never grow with his body, BUT I can assure you this child knows how to pray and He knows whom he is praying to.

I am so glad that I have never been around someone abusing a child of this nature with their mouth, cause before I thought, I would probally be in a fist fight, and that is not me, BUT when it comes to special needs children or just children in general and elderly, I am a big softie and my heart is not big enough to hold the special love I have for them.

Thanks for sharing this bit of info, but it never surprises me anymore the way people think of things.

HUGS

The things that were said about those with mental disorders were very, very terrible and made my blood boil. I don't understand how anyone can say that about anyone and not feel bad about it. Especially people of 'god'.

The behaviors outlined in the article go hand in hand with Autism...It is the way their brains work and so you can not separate the behaviors from the autism... Therefore, Mom should not be judged or shunned because of these behaviors exhibited by her son...let alone arrested!!!

~Heavens~

"Mom should not be judged or shunned because of these behaviors exhibited by her son"

So, the other children at the church should be put in danger just so this mom can bring him to church? All children, not just disabled ones, have to have limits and don't belong in every place. A toddler doesn't belong in a glass shop...they can be taught not to touch things but need to stay home until they can be trusted. Same with him, I know he can be taught not to hit but until he can be trusted he need to stay home.

No, the other children should not be put in danger but please make a way for Mom to come to church then!!

~Heavens~

highflyingxangel....I totally agree, it makes my blood boil just thinking it has been said,......those who make statements such as this are NOT of the Church of the Living God, I can assure you of that. God would in no way ban a child from a Church service because of a physical handicap....God created those children and they hold a special place in the heart of God and for one of His children to ban a child from Church is just unspeakable!!!!

There should be people there who are equipped to deal with these children, not ban them!
You don't ban a family from a Church just because they are autistic, they never ask to be that way, you help them learn, there are thousands of people out there with degrees in this that know how to deal with them, let them hire one for the Church. God help those who do these things in the name of God!

HUGS & BLESSINGS

It makes me sick the opinion they took and i am a catholic and would never ever treat someone this way. I am ashamed of people that say they are christians and do this in the name of God.

With every right mechaniccone...to be angry at professiing Christians who ban a child from a Church.....My forst instinct was that is isn't a Church and I think I am gonna stick with that.

It's sad... a lot of people look down on you once you have an autistic child.....

~Heavens~

Can you imagine!? That is sad!

It really is...
My son has Autism and so I know this to be true!

~Heavens~

I would never judge a child because of a disease or condition and can't believe others do. Shame on those out there that are so mean and cruel.

Amen Heavens. I live in Minnesoata and have a grandson with Autism. Now being in Minnesota there are a lot more news stories on our TVs about this case. It is so terrible in my eyes. Church has been a safe haven for murderes and rapists and the such in the past so why not in this instance?

HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB!!~

Yes, I am aware of minnie's son and this is so very sad...so what if he is as large as a man... Accommodations need to be made....Mom should not be shunned or made to pay because of this!

~Heavens~

It isn't anyones fault, God made us how he did and we just deal with it. I would feel terrible if anyone treated my family this way.

Yes, It