My Mom Is Finally Home Part II

Believe it or not, dad can't hear well either. He can hear much better than I can but still...
This darn dial up nonesense is really for the birds!! Yeah, they are on dial up here, dsl isn't available in this area yet. So I won't be on here very often thanks to that.
Ok, trust myself.... I've heard that so many times that if I had a penny for every time I heard that, I'd be pretty darn rich. lol Why is it so hard for one to learn to do that? I'm one of them that hasn't yet but am still trying nonetheless but you are right but it's so much easier said than done.
Mom and dad are back to themselves again with the bickering and fussing at one another and that grates on my nerves like you won't believe and she gets upset when I don't hear her for the 3rd or 4th time and I can see it on her face for she does it all the time and I hate having to remind her that she needs to speak up (she's so mousey quiet!!) for she should already know that.... you get my drift. I just wonder how in the hell am I going to do this without getting offended by her and her and dad bickering? It's sure as hell isn't going to be easy, that's for sure.

Thanks hon for the advice! I'm going to do the best that I can which is really all I can do but I'm hoping what ever it is I do is the right thing. I just want to do right by her is all.

Cats, you've a rough road ahead. You know that. So do yourself a favor ok? B*tch about them to me in emails instead of at them or let them get on your last nerve. Sing songs in your head if you have to to keep the sound of their bickering out. Keep smiling regardless and hold onto your temper and your frustration. When the are settled at night or whenever - get in touch with me and rant and rave and scream and yell and let it all out so you don't let the situation get you down when you are around them.
And why the hell aren't any of your other relatives helping?

Oh dear God in Heaven spark, today was hell in a hand basket!! Especially tonight. Mom was sick all day, not feeling herself at all and she slept most of the day and because of the stress, so did I. Tonight dad made dinner, maybe I should've done it but gosh I can't do everything and he needs to learn to do it because I just can't be here forever. I took my plate into the living room to watch a tv show and the next thing I hear is dad screaming at the top of his lungs and I about threw my plate up in the air for it scared me so bad and I ran in the kitchen to see what the hell happened and they were arguing and I screamed STOP IT!! STOP IT!! and mom was crying saying she didn't mean for him to feed the cats now but afterward he finished eating (her cat was eating dog food... so what? but still...) He eventually apologized and walked out the door to get his hair cut next door. Mom cried and cried and said she wants to do these things herself but she can't and I explained that she's not going to right now but in time she will and that her tears are all normal and her frusteration is all normal but to try to accept it for what it is. I helped her to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Dad eventually came back and mom was fast asleep with the meds she has to take and apparently he wanted to talk to her some more out of guilt - I'm sure but still she was asleep and didn't want to talk to him anyway. I called hubby to come up here and help me out because I'm so beside myself because I can't hear what is being said to stop it before it gets out of hand and even then I can't hear or understand them when they are bickering or fighting. Dad talked to me a little bit and I understood his side because he's been put through hell these past 6 to 8 weeks but dang it, I understand mom's side too and right now she's the sick one so I have to make him understand that and to just take it for what it's worth and ignore her remarks right now because she is the main focus right now. He's threatened that he's going to leave and not come back and I asked him if he'd really do that to her and what about me? He didn't respond. I offered for mom to come to my place for a few days or what ever and she said she just might do that to get away from him for a little while because he can be so nice and sweet one moment and a b@stard the next, which is true but it's not just one it's both of them, they know how to push each other's buttons and they do it.

All of my relatives are 4 hours drive away. My aunt can't get along with my dad because she can be a royal b*tch when she wants to be and that's most of the time. Then my two brothers are working, my uncle lives in Delaware and has a job so it all falls on me and hubby but hubby needs some time to himself to grieve over the death of his mother and we were hoping that he'd get the time to while I'm here but I had to call him back here to help me out or rather, lend me his ears. My lupus is breaking out all over because of the stress. I can't take this sh*t but who else is there to help? Nobody.

Sweatheart - I think that it really might be a good idea to take your mom to your place for awhile. Look at it this way: your dad has been through the wringer as much as your mom - when she got sick, her time in the hospital, and now trying to cope at home. He's stressed, and tired and over extended too. He needs some time to himself too just to assimilate and ajust to the changes that have come now that your mom is 'helpless'. I know that Jimmy needs time alone too, but he needs to realize you can't handle your mom and dad all on your own. At least he'll have the freedom to get out of the house if your mom gets annoying. And YOU need to be at home with your husband while you too are trying to cope with all this. Is there NO agency you can contact that will send around a 'nurse' or health care worker to help you out? With your hearing problems and lupus, frankly you are NOT the right person to be handling this all alone. Do a web search, call social services, whatever it takes and I'll help you, to find the help you need so ALL of you can get through this without someone burning out. Let me know what I can do to help.

I offered and she said she just might do that but I know better, she won't because of her kitties, she doesn't want to leave them again especially after just getting back from being gone for so long. All I can do is try.
As for dad, I went through the same stuff that he did because I was there the whole time. Sure there were a few days here and there that I couldn't be there but like him, I was there day after day after day. Hubby and I and my aunt was there when she had 10 minutes left and this doctor had one trick up his sleeve that could save her or kill her... we had to call dad to get in in a hurry to authorize the procedure!! Needless to say, he got there in time, I don't know how but he did or she wouldn't be alive today. I've slept on the waiting room floor that night out of sheer exhaustion. I know I'm a bit younger and all but still, he should know that she's sick and yelling at her isn't going to make her well but could make things much worse.
Jimmy is ok with mom coming to our place and he knows too that once we get past this chapter of our lives, we'll both need some down time to put our minds and thoughts into perspective but knows that I need him right now so again he's putting his grieving behind for me.
A nurse is suppose to come by tomorrow so I'll ask her if there's help out there somewhere that's volunteer because they don't have the money to be forking out right now and we so badly need help. But she's only here for a little while and has to go see other patients too. I can't go anywhere because dad can't handle her alone and neither can I really but I did tonight and did rather well but still. Earlier today she wasn't able to get herself off the couch and now she lays on the love seat which is a little bit higher so it helps her to be able to get herself up with the walker and I have to follow her with the wheel chair in case she tires out. Tonight she was able to get herself up three times which is really good but I know it's from the anxiety from her and dad. I tried to make light of it and praised her and told her "you did it mom!! you did it!!" She just smiled and says "I know but I'm so weak and shakey" and I'll remind her "yes you are but you're getting your strength back and you did it three times in a row! Good for you!" Dad was in the kitchen cleaning up knowing full well that he ticked her off but came in the bedroom after I had tucked her all in, wanting to talk to her (and maybe make ammends?) but she wasn't having any of it and because of her meds, she was asleep or pretending to be.
Thanks hon so much for being there for me!! May God Bless You and your awful situation!!

Well, it sounds like you are doing the best you can and so's your mom. But I can't help thinking that your dad is dealing with watching his wife get hurtled into infirm old age and that must be scaring the bejesus out of him. We're talking the husband/wife dynamic here and whatever their relationship was in the past, this time of their lives is a reality check for both of them and as hard as it is on you as their daughter sweets - it's harder on them as seniors. I know. I deal with seniors every day and things like this are devastating to them. They are facing their own mortality physically and yet in their heads and hearts, they aren't ready for it and it makes them act out. I guess there's no way you can take your mom's cats home with you and her? Just a thought. Hugs and sending you patience and courage and much much love!

Thanks for the encouragement! Things seem to be better today except for tonight, she seems to be running a slight fever and her side still hurts but we don't know why. She had some tylenol which has brought the fever down some before she went to bed. Hopefully she's on the mend now.

Thanks ElicBxn, that's a great idea! I'll have to see if they have one somewhere. (I'm sure they do!)

Today was much better than yesterday was. They say that depression is normal and so is crying but it's so hard to see her in such a state but she's determined to get back all she can. She doesn't want to ride in the wheel chair but rather walks with the walker and she's getting better and better at it which is great of course. I just hope she doesn't do too much where it ends up doing her more harm than good. Tonight she was running a slight fever which is a sign of an infection and she took some tylenol which knocked it down some before she went to bed so hopefully it'll be gone by morning.
Thanks so much for being there for me!! Your encouragement means the world to me!! ((((hugs))))

I hope she keeps getting stronger every day. If that fever does not go away, call the doctor. You don't want her getting sicker. She doesn't need any more challenges. Hopefully it is nothing. Good luck and keep your head up.

Thank you!! Gosh I'm lost for words!! (hard to believe, huh? lol) Well I'm doing it and so far so good, at least for today. Today was so much better than yesterday and I pray that it's on the up and up from here.
I've got something to tell you as well as ask you. I know you asked about something here in the states but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. Will you please pm me and tell me again what it was? I promise you that I'll write it down and eventually find it and send it to you. I still have your address but can't remember what it was you wanted. I call that a mind toot. LOL

You are so thoughtful honey, you have so much on your plate and yet you think of something I wanted! I will email you my address of course I will but don't you worry about some silly popcorn - just concentrate on helping your mum and keeping yourself strong! Hugs xxx

LOL Well I made a promise and I intend to keep that promise!! lol So please tell me what it was called that you wanted and I'll try to find it. Seriously though, I want to keep my promise!! ((((HUGS))))

i do so adore you sweety! To be perfectly honest I cannot remember the name of teh popcorn just that it was maple and pecan flavoured. There you go - you are trying to keep your promise and I am stopping you so you haven't broken the promise! I just want you to concentrate on keeping yourself well as I have been so worried about you over the last weeks! xxx

I've never had confidence in myself but I do try to do the "right" thing no matter what the consequences will be but it's hard especially, like you said, if I've never done it before. Today was much easier than yesterday - thank God!! I'm praying she's on the up and up now that she's home. Thanks for the encouragement!!

I can understand that and can understand why you'd love your job. I love old folks too for they have so many interesting stories to tell if only one would take the time to listen to them. I wish I had the hearing ability to be able to hear them well enough because I loved the stories my grandparents told me before my hearing got so bad.
Yes it is very hard when it's with someone you love dearly.

Hi sweetie... I'm on dial up at my parents because they don't have dsl in this area unless one wants to pay $100. a month for satilite which is absolutely insane. So check out my response on #1 and see the latest. It's not a good one but the truth nonetheless. Thanks so much for being there for me!!

Those are wonderful ideas!! Thanks so much!! I'll definetely have my hubby go get one of those horns!! Why didn't I think of that? lol I've been thinking of bells but couldn't think of where to get one that wouldn't break. Bless your heart!! Thanks so much!!

I wish we could Rozie but thanks to the jackass of a doctor who said he'd order a nurse for the first seven days, he didn't do it so we're basically on our own except for a nurse once a week and a pt about three times a week.
It is very stressful caring for a loved one especially an adult but today was much better than yesterday was and so I'm hoping and praying that it's on the up and up from here. Thanks so much for your kind words!!

I believe that everything will be alright, as soon as you get a routine going. That way everything will go smoothly.