Am I being naggy? Was it my fault?

I don't really know if he has ever cheated on me before. But he lied a couple of times, kinda often really. The lies are sometimes on small matters like he was going out with friends when he told me that he's gone to work. And I've been lied before by other people, I don't know if I'm being paranoid or being careful.

Do I really need to apologize? Didn't he has a fault of his own to at this matter? I hate to apologize and then realize that my suspicion was right. Am I being paranoid again now?

Dissy: Who cares...when my children are fighting and one of them says, "But s/he started it!" My response to that is, "Then be adult enough to finish it!"

What I mean by that is you said something about apologizing. Even if you find out he was cheating on you, at least you were the adult to step forward and mention something.

I used to be like that, I can't bare to look at myself apologizing for a fault that wasn't even mine. But my man taught me that it is not about whoever fault it was, it was about the intention of wanting to get back together. What if your suspicion was right, and he was cheating...but what if it was wrong and he was really humiliated in front of his boss??? Either way, you have done your job, you apologized and then he admits to whatever he has to. You love him enough to do that right?(^^,)

As Dr. Phil says... "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" It's your choice. I think a lot of us want to be right a lot of the time and don't think about the other option. What is more important? The happiness in your marriage or being right all the time?

If you apologize enough and you were right, you might make him feel guilty enough to admit that he was wrong. In the meantime, take the high road.

Good luck!

why don't you and your husband take a seat and just talk about it frankly?
if your suspicious is right,deal with it seriously.but if your suspicious is just your paranoid,what the things you have done to him is really a hurt,so make yourself dispassionate and tell him what your feelings.forget who is falut first,just talk and rebuild the trust to each other. good luck to you and have a happness life!

I could be very trusting sometimes. Sometimes I'm able to not call him when he goes out late because I have this trust. But other times, I get so nervous and I would call him almost every hour that he's out.

You really scare me with those last line. I am as stubborn as my husband you know. We both find it hard to say sorry to each other, sometimes we just have a fight and then act like nothing is wrong the next day because we don't want to say sorry.
He is often go out late at nights, and often come home early in the morning too, so it was not out of the blue. But I just got these moments of no trust sometimes.

I do understand what you are saying. And if it is hard to say the actual words that you are sorry then why not try an action. Just give him a hug. It says I am sorry and I love you all in one action. And the second that he puts his arms around you in return you will feel alot of the tension ease. Sometimes if I can feel any tension start to build between me and my husband I will just reach over and hold his hand. They say that holding hands with your spouse is one of the biggest stress reducers. If you are still not talking then be the bigger person and make the first move. One of you have to give in and do it. You will probobly feel better if you do.

It would feel nice, I just wish my husband can do that first, since he was very mean the last time we were talking on the phone that night. I really hate to be the one to always do the initiative to make things work sometimes.

I completely agree. Because he has to be willing to give as well. Relationships are work and both have to equally give. I really hope that you guys work things out soon. Good luck.

Thanks tschu8! I really hope so too.

I just have one of those days when I have this feeling in my gut that something is wrong, that he's not where he told me he is. I don't know if that's woman's instinct or pure paranoia. I've tried to talk to him nicely before, about me being insecure and all, but he just take it as me not trusting him.
Thanks Scorpiobabes!

Oh dissy, you don't need to feel lacking at all! You're an intelligent woman and mother--he should appreciate you! But with that being said, it's definitely something that perhaps he doesn't understand. I didn't realize that was my ex's problem until much later...and he was worse than me!

Maybe the two of you should just sit down and discuss BOTH of your feelings...maybe even in a letter if he doesn't want to talk. Maybe having a journal to write down your feelings will help too, and perhaps seeing a counselor (at least for you) will help--you will grow as a woman and become all you can be.

Good luck and keep me updated! HUGS!

Thanks scorpiobabes. I'm already at the office now. We still haven't talked at all. I really don't like this, but I'd hate to be the one to speak first. But maybe I have too..

Think of your daughter and be the MATURE one in this situation. I know it's hard, but it takes a big person to admit there's a problem. I know you can take the high road on this one. You do want to work this out too...it is very hard to live with someone and not speak. Good luck!

Your husband sounds like a very nice guy! Mine is not the nurturing type I guess, he's a little childish and I sometimes has to remind him that he's married and already has a daughter. Though he is nice and responsible as the head of the family but when he's with his friends, he seems to forget his family.

Thanks he does try. I'm sorry that yours acts this way. Maybe he soon he will figure out the great things that he has at home. Good luck I hope all goes well!

Some how i totally agree with this comment. I read all the other ones too but if i leave out all the information that you have provided answering the comments then im left with a feeling that you are paranoid.
I would kill my boyfriend for calling me like that to work no matter what time it was and i would never trust so insecure person back. I guess you and your husband have some major trust issues because neither one of you cant say you are sorry (for 2 days????)

Did you both forget to read that he has lied to her about having to work late before??????????????I don't think she's being paranoid, I think perhaps she is tryin maybr too hard to confirm what her gut already knows, and that is he is lying again....

Thanks, your words are harsh but I do need to hear that.

I know sometimes I could be annoying to him. I just wish he could speak more nicely. I always try to trust him whenever he goes out late and working, but sometimes my insecurities get the best of me and I got this nervous feeling that I have to call him over and over again just to let him know that I'm worried.

I know it's annoying but I just can't help it sometimes..