Why do my husband not support my decision, for the benefit of our daughter?

Thank you for your post and response.
Appreciate your support, it means so much to me when I know I can write all my feelings out and somebody is there to hear me out.

My husband really just made it living hell for me when he makes the situation difficult by adding more stress to the situation.

Sometimes I wonder, if I was a single mother maybe the summer camp and regional center will offer me more help and sympathy.

All my coworker, thinks that since I am married I can expect my husband to help out. Are they so wrong, when they see how he acts.

Thank you for your prayers.

There is no such program available to take her. I doubt there is anybody available for carpool since I live 15 miles from the site and my daughter needs to be taken to different therapy sessions throughout the day that it is difficult.

I think I don’t have a choice but to put my career on hold. When I decided to be a mother, I realized that my kids comes first and when I get old my employer will not remember who I was. My children however, will remember when I attend their graduation, showed up for Christmas party etc.

I love being a mother. You are right it is more rewarding than anything else.

Hi Dfollin,

Thank you for reaching out to me.

It has been tough and I told my husband many times firmly, no one is going to stop me from helping our daughter.

If I insist he takes her to therapy, he would show up late or try to cut the session short etc.

it really ticks me off.

Yes, I think he needs to be more responsible.
I been married to him for 13 years and yet I only met you but you have reached out and willing to hear me out. And he still thinks everything will be alright without any work needed to be done.

Hi Stiletto,

Thank you for your kind encouragement and great tip.

A dartboard, wow sounds like I am going to be needing that, with his mug shot.

But I have to do it in private, I don't want to scare my daughter with that.

He thinks that she will eventually be ok. He keeps tellin me of his friend's child who could not speak clearly for a long time and had tantrums etc and much more.

I refused to let it be, if I know she can benefit from these programs and it is being paid for, I am all for it.

I don't want to talk about my husband with everyone in our circle because I feel they will learn to despise him and have no respect for him.

Thanks Barb,

I really like your last sentence, "And your daughter is a special person" _yes she is, she always be special regardless of her needs.

What can I say, everychild has needs anyways. So i just look at it as she has a few extra needs that we as parents should do.

I think I will take your advice and ignore his comments, sometimes I like going to my boss and saying I quit.

Today was also a very horrible situation. The school called and told me I need to pick her up by 12 or drop by with the car seat. It was already 11:15, I work 40 miles away. I tried to call my parents for help, they was too busy, I knew I could not call my husband he would stress me out even.

My department all took the day off but me and my boss, but I told I had to go because school policy if she is anot able to attend the field trip, I need to pick her up.

SO I speed through freeways and got there and drop the car seat. Then all tired and hungry I drove back to work. Why? Because I did not know what else to do. If I went home, I would end up crying. I felt really horrible, my own parents did not want to offer help. They were about 7 milea way, my husband was still at work, though he does work a lot closer. I really feel like I became a single mother, with no other family members to help me.

I don't really know what to say. I understand your frustration, and I can't understand how parents, if they live close, couldn't help you once in awhile since you work so far away. I have gone over an hour away to school to pick up a sick grandchild for my daughter, brought them back 35 miles to the DR, and then take them back to school another 35 miles, then come back home another hour drive. I never thought of it as a problem or a nuisance, just helping my daughter. She worked in the town where I took them to the DR and it made her have to stop work, lose all that time going back to get them, taking them to the DR and them having to spend the rest of the day in her office.

And I still can't understand why your husband gets so upset. Reminds me of my daughter's X who wanted her to do everything, even though HE worked in the same town they lived in, where the kids went to school. HE couldn't be put out because HE worked hard,like she didn't! Used to make me SO mad!

Wow you sure a a great grandmother and mother.

My parents, particulary my mom does not really want to help out. On that day she was just out hanging with friends very close by. And I was farther away but since she said she could not because she was out and about, my mom does not work. She is a stay at home wife, with no little children or any chores at home to do.

So enough of that, back to why she does not offer any help. I don't know why too. I do sometimes wonder if maybe I was the stepchild. My dad is great with me, he never says no, but he was working that time. But my mom has always told me "no" and even if she was home watching TV., she still say "NO".

I realize my husband is very much like your daughter's X. So similiar even the part where he thinks he works hard and she does not.

I think my mom wants me to divorce then she can tell me "SEE I told you so". She always hated my husband from day one.

Sounds like I am ready to be single, since I am already doing it all by myself.
but when I am single, I won't be turning to my mom for help since she did not help me when I ask for it.
Thank you for just hearing me out, it makes me feel better.

Actually I don't mind doing all this, I just hate it when he constantly remind me that I should not risk my job to take care of the therapies and attending meeetings at school for her.

Which I just don't understand, if he does not want me to miss so much time at work, then why don't he pitch in and help out and not fuss.

I rather do it all by myself because he fusses about it too much . So I to it myself and he fuss that he is afraid I might lose my job, then when I ask him to help out so I can be at work again, he fusses that it is too much time taken out of his day.

he gets off earlier than me and usually the therapy sessions are held during the time he is already off from work.

ch88ss,
He gets off work in time to pick her up and still refuses to help? Yet he wants to put all that stress on you for no reason. He is a real jerk and very selfish. He don't have to have good english just to pick her up. He is using excuses and putting all the work on you because he knows he can.
lingli_78,
your right her husband is being very selfish. She does need to put her foot down and tell him enough is enough.

I resent my husband soo much.

When we do have our bigger argument, he blames our failed marriage on our daughter, with this being said. I told him, no man in this world can tell me to choose between my kids or them.

Even if it is their father. My kids comes first and don't tell me otherwise. It was harsh, but he hears it, understands it but does not agree.

I tried so many things and now at my last nerve. I am going to my sister place to have some fun and leave him at home.

I still have not had time to talk to him about my school yet.

Hi Travi

My friend, you have done more than I could possibly ask for.

You been there just to hear me out when I needed someone to listen to me. Without phsysically being there but you have lend me a shoulder to cry on. Thank you.

More has happen today (thursday) so I cried again and this time decided to get to work so I don't think about it all.

This time my parents made me cry, because they did not help me when I needed their help desparately today. But I can't blame them, these are my children and i should not expect them to do it if they have plans already.

Oh I better start typing faster before power goes out again. Blackout all day.

I still have not had time to talk to him about my school. I resent him so much that I don't have much to talk to him about anymore.

Hi, we are not separated. We are still married and live together.

So it really bugs me when he is not helping and complains that I have not done my duty as a wife to him.
What is his problem, I can't have the house clean and the child homework done, bathe and fed, story time, speech practice time at home and still have any energy left for him to nag me.

I am too tired and fussy that he wants to nag me about other things that are not important anymore.

I respectfully have to disagree!
Even if they were separated, his parenting is not just his business.
He has a responsibility to his children to put their best interest first, to often one parent is left to carry the burden and this cannot be the way it was intended to be.
It maybe wishful thinking,but it should not be, every parent should have a positive impact in their childrens lives regardless if they're together or not.
Alas i must admit, one has to do what one must.{{{hugs}}}

Hi Dragonfly,

It has been while have not heard from you lately.

I am glad you repsonded, thank you for the advice.

yes my daughter is an angel.

I just feel like finding a huge rock and hide behind it until the sun comes up.

It is difficult and stressful. Sometimes people and other friends at work and family friends tell me, I am wrong.

I should not concentrate on my daughter only and forget that I am a wife. But if that is the case, did they forget a wife cannot be a wife if the man does not behave like a husband?

I need a husband not a bickering man who complains of his duty as a father right?

You are absolutly right!
With the chanllenges you face as a family you need all the support you can get.
As parents you need to stand together, or everything you're trying to accomplish will be all the more harder to do,a house devided will surely fall.
Your husband needs to get his act together, and start supporting you.Thats the only way the burden will get easier.
As always you remain in my heart and prayers dear friend.{{{hugs}}}

thanks for the advice.

yes, my husband grew up overseas and I grew up in the states. I was eighteen and did not know better, now I wish I never married him so soon.

I rather be the mother of my children and do those things that he believes a wife should do.

But then he fusses that I need to put my priority straight. Bringing home the paycheck should be my priority. Why is that?

If he is the traditional and old fashion kind of guy, he should be fussing about my job and demanding I stay home for the kids right?

Only if he can realize that we are playing an opposite role and I seriously don't like it at all.

I can't be the father and mother and the breadwinner too.
I only want to be his children's mommy and his wife. thats all!