please tell me "how to deal with an alcoholic person?

I figured you'd have some more responses by now but maybe this is a new discussion. Anyway the thing is you must recognize that this is a drug addiction you are dealing with. Your husband and father have a disease. Until they deal with their problem there is no solution. Bottom line they need to find the desire to change themselves. If you can figure out how to do that then you can truly help them and deal with the issue here.
You can't judge them for there discretions either. They do have a problem whether they accept it or not. It really isn't your duty to make them change but if you want to help them I guess you need to make them see these things. They need a reason to want to change. At the same time don't kiss butt. They have probably put you through hell and like I said, it isn't your responsibility to make them change.

I know you were probably looking for a better response but bottom line this is just the truth. I hope things get better for you.

Your tag is how to deal with them.None so special...i have uncles who's drunkard.I can see my aunt just being quiet,and never fight or say a word that would make them go for more.
The first time i saw your thread i was thinking..i would suggest you give them more,lol.Shamsta is correct,there is nothing or nobody can change guys like them.What you can do is pray and ask God to touch their heart and make them realize how their actions affects everybody specially their family.Good luck.

I was and you notice I use the term 'was' married to an alcoholic. Not one but a second as well. There was so much abuse not to just me but my children. Living with an alcoholic is a nightmare. I was always scared as were my children. No money, things taken to the pawn shop....nothing left. Now I have a son who is paying dearly for his 'alcohol' mistakes. Freedom is the ultimate price.
One of my alcohol husbands was killed in an accident and the other sits alone, all alone drinking his life away. So in answer to your question.....You can't deal with them. You can't help them. And you can't change them. It is a disease and if they don't get help on their own then you need to move on. This might sound cold but I spent to many years trying to change something I had NO control over.
My best to you....Janet

Hi Sophie.
So sorry to read of your situation. I used to be married to an alcoholic.
First, get help for yourself. You can't learn how to "deal with" an alcoholic. You can learn to "live with" and alcoholic. There are organizations that can help you. One is AlAnon. It's for people who have an alcoholic in their lives. Some churches also have programs for people who has a loved one who is an alcoholic.
You need to take care of yourself first. The alcoholic is not going to listen to you when you suggest that HE get the help. HE is the only one to make that decision. HE has to have the desire to quit.
I know that you love (or may love) you father and husband. But when alcohol is in the picture, that is all they know. I know what you mean about using tomorrow's budget for alcohol. My ex and I used to live in a small RV, so it had a very small refrigerator. Well, when he would get a case of beer, the bottles would take up the space in the door, the bottom drawer, and the bottom shelf. So there only one shelf left for space for food.
I am so glad that I am away from the alcoholic I had in my life. I now have a job (he didn't want me to work), I have a little house I'm renting (I didn't know where we would be from one day to the next), I can go wherever I want (I could not even walk to the store or library one block away by myself), and even have friends (couldn't afford to make friends not knowing where we would be).
Like I said, please learn to take care of yourself first. If you feel that you can no longer live "walking on eggshells" for the rest of your life, you know that you can leave. I did and I'm better for it.

you need to join alinon, dear. thats what my daughter advised when i was dealing with the same things.

Sometimes what happens in a situation like this is the sober person becomes an enabler,I am not saying that is the case here.However the best thing you can do is leave them and go live somewhere else and let them hit rock bottom.Often people don't get help or even see they need it until they have lost everything and everyone.
They need help but they have to see that for themselves and then go get the help,there is help out there.I am battling my own alcoholism and although I slip sometimes I am trying very hard.I did manage to quit for 17 years while I raised my daughter,and I thank GOD for that.Say a prayer for them and hope for the best.
Good luck to you,
Jas

Many guys are like drink, some are alcoholics. I really don't have any idea about this, although they know this is harm to health they still do it. Some although their wife want to apart with him, he still drinking. I don't know how to deal with them, maybe ask them to drink less is the only method. Because guys who is alcoholic, is hard to don't drink, just like if guys smoke, they may smoke whole of their life. Although they have the mind to don't smoke, but little guy will really don't smoke.

get them help...talk to an alcoholic facility or counselor...maybe they can help you someway.

Sophie, you don't mention whether or not you have children. If not, please don't have children with this man. Don't put them through this. If your father is an alcoholic, then you know what I mean. You've been through it.

You cannot change them. They will not change for you. They will not change because of love. They are powerless over it.

Go to AlAnon. You need their support.

I would like to say to you "get out while you can." It sounds cruel, but you have to think about yourself. They won't. You are in for many years of heartache.

Asking them to drink less is fruitless. You cannot change them. Only they can change and it isn't likely that they will want to very soon. Even if they do, they can't do it alone. They are addicted. Even when they stop, they have to fight the urge every day for the rest of their lives. They could fall back to it. Things can get a lot worse.

You have to get the strength within yourself to overcome the love you have for them and put yourself first. We can all tell you the same things, but it won't matter until you know within your own heart that you must put yourself first. Until you do, you will continue to put up with it . . . continue to try . . . continue to hope . . . continue to believe that they will change for you . . . continue to be disappointed . . . continue to be hurt physically, emotionally, mentally, financially . . .

How do I know? I've been there. My sister has been there. My mother and her mother and her step-mother have been there. Did the alcoholics in our lives ever change because we wanted them to? NO. Neither will yours. They might promise to. They might regret their actions. They might act like they are trying. But until they want to do it for themselves and they accept the fact that they are powerless over their addiction and they get some help, NO, they won't stop.

Good luck, Sophie. Take care of you.

I just found your post and I want to say that I am dealing with the same thing. I am ready to finally start attending Al Anon meetings to try and get help, for me.

My husband is a good person, he can be a complainer but beer, his drink of choice, after a few, makes him grouchy and when he has a lot, quite mean. Last night was our anniversary and it was good until, on the way home, he started a fight over how I was driving home.

He was angry because I was not driving the way he drives (the long way and fast). I said, "This way is shorter, it's raining and foggy on winding country roads, I will not drive fast."

He was screaming at me about it and it does not matter what the argument was, but the fact that I did not deserve his tirade and nasty comments. When I said about it this morning, he made light of it, but I am angry as hell and am not talking to him.

I am going to just not be home or around him, if I MUST be home, when he is drinking. I wish that I could afford to leave him, not that I want to, but that it might be a wake up call, but I can't.

I take care of my granddaughter during the week because her father ran out and my daughter has to work to support her. She is not getting child support, and I don't know if she ever will so, if I leave, she will be in a mess. I can't afford rent, would have to take on a lower paying job, as my career, in my area, is hard to find jobs. I work part time at it right now.

Not only that, I have put up with him for 33 years and I'll be darned if he gets the house and stuff and I get nothing. I want him, instead, to admit he has a problem and get help. Therefore I must start attending Al Anon to start some sort of help.