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Help I'm in a backward relationship email this discussion to a friend?

zion45 (67)   ranked 1,463 out of 8,551 in love4 months ago

I know this might sound crazy, but I need to know how other people feel about this. I want to marry my girlfriend of over 7 years, but she doesn't believe in getting married. She say she loves me and is not going to leave. We have 3 children together. We have a great relationship and I trust her completly. I just don't understand why she won't marry me. Are there any other girls out there that feel the same way as her, what are your reasons for not getting married. Also are there any guys in my situation. I would like to hear you on how you guys feel.

 
 
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sunshinelady (5462) response was accepted on 7/7/2008.
denotes best response.
tags:  marriage, relationship, real, married, not married
 
1. myLot reputation of 98/100. Wizzywig (1122)   ranked 2,594 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

What are your reasons for wanting to be married?? Maybe she just doesn't feel its necessary and is perfectly happy as things are. You've said you have a great relationship and that you trust her completely so why change anything? Hope you have many more happy years together.


zion45 (67)   ranked 1,463 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

I just want to be able to say she is my "wife". I know it sounds stupid. But I hate calling her my girlfriend after we have shared so much together.


myLot reputation of 98/100. Wizzywig (1122)   ranked 2,594 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

No, it doesn't sound stupid - its a perfectly valid reason. Be happy.

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2. myLot reputation of 95/100. donsky14 (1108)   ranked 834 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

well have you asked her why she don't want to get married?

me...I really wanna marry my boyfriend of 2 yrs. But I know for a fact that were not yet ready...financially. I wanna get married cause I want to keep our relationship sacred and official. so, i can't wait for that. happy


zion45 (67)   ranked 1,463 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

I have asked her why several times. She says she does not believe in marriage. That we have a commitment to each other and don't need someone else or a piece of paper to say that we are a couple.


myLot reputation of 95/100. donsky14 (1108)   ranked 834 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

I see...but its really kinda different when your married right?

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3. myLot reputation of 86/100. barbie84 (2308)   ranked 218 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

my hubby was more keen on getting married than me aswell


zion45 (67)   ranked 1,463 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

What was your reason for not wanting to get married?


myLot reputation of 86/100. barbie84 (2308)   ranked 218 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

i realy didnt see the point, not being religious meant that it had no significant meaning to me, we were already living together and had a child together so a piece of paper and a very expensive day had no significance and wasnt going to change anything for me

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4. myLot reputation of 96/100. se7enthbird (1200)   ranked 1,278 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

the cousin of my wife does not believe in marriage too. they have 5 children already and the guy wanted to get married but the girl does not want to. she said that their relationship is okay. she finds other relationship that when they get married it gets more complicated. there are people who believes in marriages and there are people who dont. some people say that marriage is just a piece of paper. but for my wife she would love to be called my wife rather than just my girlfriend. we are married for 5 years now and turning six on august. welcome to mylot zion happy posting

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5. myLot reputation of 99/100. sunshinelady (5462)   ranked 1,590 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

You have been together for a long time. So I don't see anything happening to split you up. Is this is what you are thinking of in wanting to get married. Remember that getting married doesn't assure a person that they will be together always. One of the things I would do is ask her why she doesn't want to get married. Ask in a time when both of you have time to discuss and not be interrupted. You two need to sit down and discuss. Even if you can not think of one she may have a legit reason for not wanting to get married. The biggest thing is to respect what she has to say. And another thing is in some states there is what is known as common law marriage which is after a number of years you are married under the law. I don't think all states have this but I do know that there are some states that this is true.

I got to thinking about it and went to the search engine and this is a link to what I found. It is informative and may help ease your mind.

http://www.nolo.com/artic...


zion45 (67)   ranked 1,463 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

Thank you for the web site. Unfornatly We live in a state that does not regonize common law. You have a lot of good points. We have discussed this a lot. I don't think she is going to change her mind. I am afraid if I keep bugging her I might push her away. Sometimes are kids ask why we are not married and I don't know what to tell them.

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6. myLot reputation of 97/100. embattledsparkle (836)   ranked 202 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

What are her reasons for not wanting to get married? If she doesn't really have any major reasons, maybe you could sit down with her and tell her why you want to get married and how much it would mean to you.

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7. myLot reputation of 66/100. subha12 (12607)   ranked 213 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

I think may be she has some reservation about marriage. its really sad thing to see. but still we can't help it. it is sad. try to talk to her and talk about what might be her reservations.

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8. myLot reputation of 95/100. dfollin (1387)   ranked 4,055 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

Iam not one of those people.I was in 2 relationships that was like marriage,where we had a child both times.But,both times we ended spliting up.Then I met someone and we had a child.We were going to get married,but because of insurance reason's we waited till after the baby was born to get married.We were married for 7 and a half years till he died. I knew a couple,where the woman had a child already,but met this man when the baby was about a year and a half old.They lived together for 10 years raising the child.The child was not biologically his,but they had a father and son relationship.Everyone kept nagging them about getting married and they kept saying no because their relationship was fine the way it was.But,people kept nagging them.They were totally commited to each other,but after they got married they felt trapped and they split up in about a year.She took her son and moved about 400 miles away.They never talked unless it was about the boy.They basically grew to hate each other.The boy comes to see his father for vacations and holidays,etc.

I don't know how to advise you.I just think maybe that she might feel trapped,don't push her.Maybe she will come up with the idea of marriage herself later down the road.Good luck.

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9. myLot reputation of 80/100. latriciajones (621)   ranked 2,196 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

i understand you totally, i have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and i am like it is time to get married. we have 2 kids together and if he says he sees us being together til death do us part then what is the hold up. and my boyfriend he wants to act like we are married and do things that married people do but he doesnt want it to be official.

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10. myLot reputation of 96/100. AnnaB7 (300)   ranked 2,545 out of 8,551 in love   4 months ago

I know people like this, and the reason they are like this is because of coming from homes where divorce was common, they think they will do better if they don't get married, it is hard to reason with them,
also I know some others who also don't believe in marriage and the reason why is because they think that it will cost them to much to get divorced if things don't work out, and it is very hard to reason with them to.

I think it is better to get married, but it can be very hard to convince someone who is really afraid to get married.


zion45 (67)   ranked 1,463 out of 8,551 in love  4 months ago

You would think that. But her parents have been married for over 40 years and all her grandparent are still married. In fact we really don't know very many people that are divorced. She really does not believe in marriage. I knew she felt this way going in, I just thought that she would change her mind after a few years.

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