Any Advice?  |
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 I dated my ex for 6 months as a long distance relationship. We were both the happiest people ever while we were with each other. A month ago she broke up with me and has given me various excuses. But with every excuse she always says that she still wants to be with me and still wants to date me. Recently, she changed her mind from not only dumping me but to not even wanting me as a friend. The situation as far as long distance has changed to where if we got back together it would be a normal relationship and not a long distance one. I still have feelings for her and she still has feelings for me. I've tried everything I could think of to get us back together and I'm out of ideas. Does any have any advice on what I should do? Should I be a quitter and give up? Should I keep trying and trying to get us back knowing it probably wont work?
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1.  anawar (1084) | 3 months ago |  nick - I still have feelings for someone I don't see anymore, and he has feelings for me, but the relationship can't be restored. I accept the outcome.
I don't think you're a quitter if you stop trying to rebuild a relationship you've lost. With everything that's happened, all her mixed messages and emotions, why don't you let her go and keep the memories of the good times you had together?
If you keep pushing, the bitter ending will be painful (if it comes to that)
There's a common saying "If you love someone let them go, if they really love you, they come back."
You can change everything by taking action. You can tell her that the relationship, as rewarding and wonderful as it was, is over. Things didn't work out, or whatever you are comfortable saying.
Now, the decision is handed to her.
If she wants you, just like the saying goes, she'll come back.
I hope this helps you.
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 nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Thank you for the advice. The problem is I'm having a hard time accepting the outcome. She doesn't really have a reason for it to be this way so its hard for me to understand and accept. But seeing as she hasn't tried to help me understand I have finally, like you said, let her go. Now my question is, what do I do? Do I wait for her to come back to me? Or do I get over her, take some time, and look for someone else? (I'm not saying that I need someone in my life right now.) | |
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| shima2605 (5) | 3 months ago | i agree with anawar. doesn't mean that now you have to find someone else right away. just do your normal everyday stuff.. chill out and relax. i'm not saying you have to totally forget her, but i would suggest not to wait for her. if you set yourself to wait for her, you won't be able to see others who might be better for you. if she really loves you, she'll be back. if she doesn't, don't waste your time waiting. | |
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| anawar (1084) | 3 months ago | nick, now that your decision is made, you have to let go of her in your mind. I'm still processing memories, long after the physical relationship ended. It takes time.
I'm not looking for anyone new either. But if someone comes along, well, you never know.
It's been over six months now and I often wonder if I met another person, who treated me well, would that help me?
It's not that my past would interfere with the present, rather the present will wash away the last bits of the past.
Be gentle with yourself, okay? | |
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Thank you two for the advice. I think I'll just try to get over her and if someone else comes along, great, and if not, oh well. And if she does come back to me, which I highly doubt will happen, I'll have to go from there as to what I'll do. | |
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| 2. sau2188 (495) | 3 months ago |  shes using you
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Often, that is exactly how I feel, used. | |
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3.  catfish57 (984) | 3 months ago |  there is always that possibility, she might want a little space to herself. for a short while.wait for a short while, to see how things turn out.
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Thanks for the suggestion. I think I'll wait a bit. I'm not even ready to start dating again. I'm not ready to be hurt or heart broken again yet, so I'll probably wait a bit. | |
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| catfish57 (984) | 3 months ago | waiting is what my oldest son is doing right now. | |
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Thank you for sharing your experience. I have noticed that the more I push the issue, the further she distances herself from me, so hopefully you're right. I'm like three days sober of not trying to contact her and its been really hard. Hopefully it'll get easier as time goes by. So I'll wait and see how things work out for now. Once I'm ready to go out and date again (which might take some time), I wont wait for her anymore. | |
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| DoodleyDoo72 (1) | 3 months ago | Its so harsh! and hard when you love someone to leave them alone, your'e scared that theyre going to get over you or meet someone else if you don't keep reminding them that youre there! you keep finding silly excuses to get in touch. I've just split up with someone and its so painful! But this has happened before and we got back together, I'm thinking that maybe it wasn't right to go back again after it went wrong at first. We split up over a row, I think if he can break up with me over something so silly then he didn't really love me anyway! I certainly think that I loved him more, maybe that was the problem. I'm not going to get in touch this time at all. If he doesn't contact me then I will except that it was right that we split, painful as it is. In the long run I would never have been happy if I didn't feel truely loved! Boo Hoo! I apologise that I'm really feeling sorry for myself but I hope this helps somewhat and I really wish you luck, whatever you decide | |
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| DoodleDoo72 (1) | 3 months ago | Its so harsh! and hard when you love someone to leave them alone, your'e scared that theyre going to get over you or meet someone else if you don't keep reminding them that youre there! you keep finding silly excuses to get in touch. I've just split up with someone and its so painful! But this has happened before and we got back together, I'm thinking that maybe it wasn't right to go back again after it went wrong at first. We split up over a row, I think if he can break up with me over something so silly then he didn't really love me anyway! I certainly think that I loved him more, maybe that was the problem. I'm not going to get in touch this time at all. If he doesn't contact me then I will except that it was right that we split, painful as it is. In the long run I would never have been happy if I didn't feel truely loved! Boo Hoo! I apologise that I'm really feeling sorry for myself but I hope this helps somewhat and I really wish you luck, whatever you decide | |
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Thank you for your insights, Doodle. Its okay to ramble about yourself and your experiences because I can learn from them. I'm able to see what other people have done in similar situations and how they reacted and how they felt, and then I apply it to my situation. Leaving them alone is really hard to do. Like you said, there's a chance they forget about and thats exactly how I feel. And I do find silly excuses to keep in touch with her, and I never realized that until you said that. So thank you for your comments, and I'll definitely keep them in mind. | |
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5.  pixiedustforyou2008 (1018) | 3 months ago |  I am going to be very blunt with you... She wants someone else... The only reason she broke you was that she wanted someone else. Someone else has came into her life that she wants more than you and thats why she broke up with you.. Sorry to say so but she wants someone else. I personally think you should give up and quite she doesn't want you anymore.. But if you feel the need to keep on trying than go ahead there my still be a chance that she doesn't wanna keep you from being with someone that you can actually feel and touch.. I don't know what to do i would say keep trying.. Try your hardest to get her back if you love this girl..
I would try my hardest to get the girl that you love back.. There still is the chance that she wants someone else ill i can tell you is ask he whats she wants if she tells you that she doesn't wanna be with you than ask her why and ask her is it because another man???? tell her how you feel about her and tell her that you want her back and that you don't care how far she is from you that you just wanna be with you... Do you love this girl??? Do you want her back??? How far do you guys live from each other???
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Actually, I have asked her once if there was another man involved. She told me very straightforwardly no. I believe her because I really do trust her. I just know that there isn't another man involved. There is no way she would ever ever ever in a million years leave me for someone else. Its really hard to explain what we shared together because it was so special, but I know she didn't break up with me for someone else. I've told her how I feel about her several times and I've tried to work things out with her with different approaches. Nothing has worked. And I really do love her with all my heart, I want her back more than I could imagine. While we were dating, we were a 4 and a half-hour drive away from each other. Now that school has started for me, Its only about a 30-minute drive. | |
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | And thank you for your comments, it is appreciated. | |
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| pixiedustforyou2008 (1018) | 3 months ago | Oh that isn't that bad.. My husband has to drive 2 hours to come and see my before we got married.. He use to drive 2 hours every weekend to come and see me and he would stay with me and my parents.. He even use to sleep in my bed.. My parents weren't really srickt i as 19 at the time so i could do whatever i wanted pretty much.. But yeah you tell her that you want her back and that you guys can work out the problem. | |
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| nickp10 (123) | 3 months ago | Thanks for the advice. I'll have to try that too if the other suggestions dont work out. I'm willing to try anything that has a chance of working. | |
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