Your Thoughts, Please!

You are in for a hard road, but it's not impossible...if you BOTH truly want it to work. When your husband returns, talk to him about your feelings, about your mistake, etc. Talk about how you were feeling toward the marriage at the time the affair started. Were the two of you having problems? Were you feeling unappreciated in some way? Let him know, but in a way that you're not blaming him for your actions. Tell him how you feel NOW, that you love him, that you're committed to making it work, and that you're truly sorry for what you've done.
He may surprise you. It could be that he wants things to work but is unsure how to proceed. Open up the lines of communication. Consider a counselor to help you out - you'll both need a separate outlet for your feelings outside of each other. Coming back from infidelity CAN be done, but it's hard, and you BOTH must be committed to starting over. Best of luck.

I'm so sorry that this has all had to happen in your relationship.

God you must be aching right now. I cannot even begin to imagine how you are feeling.
Your first responder was 100% correct in what they said to you. This is not impossible to fix, oh sure it is going to be a difficult road. But if the 2 of you want it to be and are willing to put in the blood, sweat and tears it can be done.

But until you open the lines of communication you cannot move forward. Please do keep us up to date. Should you need a shoulder just give me a holler

Ummm....Hmmmm...Well, first of all, I wouldn't say that the affair was all your fault. There was something missing in your life, and your husband was at the forefront. Faithfullness doesn't mean love. Your affair does not mean that you don't love. In fact, it could have been a cry for help.

I don't know your husband. I don't know you. I can't presume to know what is inside of either of you. I will tell you, from personal experience, that most men, when their wives have affairs, refuse to see the blame in themselves. Most of the wives refuse to see the blame in their husbands as well. You are each equally to blame for the situation. It was your choice, but both of you are to blame. The question is, can you get beyond it? He says he can't, but is he speaking from hurt or feelings of inadequecy? I don't know. I can't answer this. Only he can.

I think, if it were me, that I would ask him outright if he believes the marraige is worth saving. Perhaps over dinner. If he says no, than you, unfortunately, need to take that as the answer and grieve and then move on. Concentrate on your daughter. If he was being untruthful at that point, he will come back to you. If he says the marraige is worth saving, then the two of you need to sit down and try to discover exactly what happened. Both of you need to take equal shares of fault. A marraige councellor might help.

I hope I didn't provide more questions than answers. Good luck to you

WOW, that is a tough situation! First off I am so very sorry for your troubles! If I understand you correctly it has only been a couple of weeks since you ended the affair...has it also only been a couple of weeks since your husband found out about it? If so I would give him some time, and try to show him that you really do love him. It will be very difficult for a while, I am afraid. I know that if the roles were reversed and I found out that my husband had been unfaithful to me, I would have a very hard time dealing with it. It would probably take me quite a while to even try to trust him again. You have to understand that trust is a big part of any marriage and it will take a long time for you to repair the damage and earn his trust again. You will have to truly earn it this time!

Maybe you should try talking to him and discuss what went wrong in the first place to cause you to have the affair. Maybe with time and a lot of TLC and heart to heart talks you will be able to get your marriage on the right track again. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that it works out for you.

it is impossible for you to undo the mistake you have done which is really huge.. but your husband doesn't have the right to follow your mistake.. i think he is just seeing another woman because he was truly hurt by the thing you have done.. try to save your marriage by having a second honeymoon or going to a marriage counselor.. talk to him heart to heart about what is happening to your marriage and how things are perfectly wrong, tell him to cooperate with you and start all over again for the sake of your children (if you have).. if things still won't change, then it is time for you to let go..

sweety, all i can say is that you have to wait awhile for this to settle down. Let him be for the meantime, cause in this case there's nothing you can do about it but wait and hope that everything will turn out just fine. this is really hard but you have to be patient with him. you cannot force him to think otherwise cause you're the one who made the wrong decision first. If you guys were already having problems before your illicit affair you guys should've discussed this long ago to prevent the latter from happening. It's a common human mistake, when were upset we tend to dismiss what we feel and go on with our lives thinking "i'll deal with it later". It's these piled up emotions that make us do inexplicable things. So, just wait...pray that he still has feelings for you. He'll be back in no time, don't worry.

First of all your husband has a right to be angry and make you pay for it. But two wrongs do not make a right. My advice to him would be to not do it and make you pay for it in other ways. Just as a woman would do if she found out her husband cheated on her. But since he is already gone. It is a matter of letting him know that now you are even. You are either going to work things out and make the marriage work, which may seem impossible but not always, or you are going to have to call it quites and love him form a distance. Never hurt yourself being in love. Love is meant to feel good not painful. And if he decides to work things out there is only so long you should not giving or getting forgiveness.

It's so sad that this is happening to your marriage. Probably this is the price that you have to pay for being unfaithful. Why dont you have a big heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him how you really feel. My friend had the same problem. She also had an affair. She even fell in love with him. But since her husband loved her so much and they have five kids, they didnt break up and are still together now. You have to learn to live with your mistake. You cant change the past but can do something about the future. Goodluck to you.

I think you have to take the actions you have done,and already think about the consequences you will face. You have to face this all alone and it's not gonna be easy I know. Were just human and their is always temptation that we sometimes we can't resist. If you love him you have to also understand what he feels now. If you love him you have to prove to him that you have accepted your faults and mistakes. Really sorry for what you did, and you know it will take time to forget. For me I wont judge you, but if I were in your situation I'll try to cope up with my mistakes but I wont expect anything and accept what his decision now and his actions no matter it will hurt you more if you love him. STill Try to go on with your life just getting ready for anything else. Just cool it down wait for him to mellow down, and talk so you know whats his next move. Letting go,doesn't mean you don't love him. Their is always a reason. If it really meant for you,and really love you for what you are he will try also to work it out not only you. God bless! God be with you!

I don't know what happened that prompted you to have an affair. but it takes two of you to save this marriage. you have made a mistake and you have tried to save your marriage by ending the affair. now it's your husband's choice. as you just said he was faithful to you since you met, your affair must have hurt him so much that he actually spent a night with another woman, which didn't sound like him at all. now it really is your husband's choice to make and all you can do is wait.